I woke up in a very bad mood yesterday.I'm not really sure why...maybe it was because of the dream,which I couldn't clearly remember..or maybe because the dreaded exams were now practically staring right up my nose and I was still unarmed to face it.Or maybe because he hadn't called last night and I had thus waited,staring at my cell till sleep conquered..Whatever it be,I had woken up to be a very grumpy me.
I was supposed to see him yesterday after a long time,and I knew that I won't be seeing him again for an even longer time.I should have been happy,euphoric,as I usually am on such days..but yesterday I wasn't.I wasn't...because I knew I would be meeting him in a stuffed auditorium..among a cluster of unknown faces.I knew there would be lots I would want to tell him,and even more I would want to hear..but I also knew we would never manage.The realisation just made me grumpier.I didn't want to go atall..but I knew I would.
I sulked all morning.Scribbled nonsense in my diary out of sheer vengence.Shooed away the pigeons harmlessly strutting across the roof because I somehow felt they were mocking me by cocking their heads and cooing.What would they know of my helplessness?They could damn well fly to anywhere!! I again decided that I didn't want to go..meeting him after so long,that too for a few minutes would just make me feel worse!...yet still I knew that I would.
I spent all afternoon just sinking into the depths of frustration.Why was he so busy?And the eternal question...'am I not important??' And then finally I got ready.
I had the window seat by the bus.The sky was overcast...the dark sensual clouds covering the city.The wind thrashed around wildly...a wildness that I was feeling within but couldn't emote.I wanted to be with him right then..walking down some godforsaken or rather manforsaken road.I wanted to be with him alone when it rained...running to take refuge under the shed of some tiny shutter-closed shop or maybe sitting in a nameless roadside stall sipping oversweetened tea,laughing at some silly joke.There were so many things I wanted to do.. instead I was sitting in this stupid bus.. heading for that darn auditorum.My eyes watered as the wind stung fiercely..yet I stubbornly kept them open.
It was raining heavily when I reached.Everything was just as I had expected.The place cramped with people.Irritatingly excited people. He just called and said he couldn't manage to meet me before the show.The faces still kept on smiling.I swear I could have screamed.I would have taken a bus back home right then,had a friend not actually grabbed my arm and literally pulled me inside.
I sat down,on a creeking rickety chair...the lights dimmed...the curtains parted.As the play started all that ran through my mind was how irritated I was with him..how as always he was taking me for granted..how... and then I saw him,across rows of bobbing heads.And although it was pitch dark,I felt he was looking straight at me...just like I feel everytime I see him on stage.Minutes ticked by...and I watched..awed..till he disappeard.I was woken from the trance as my cell vibrated..'can you come outside please?' I slipped out ..head ducked..I knew what to say.I had a list...starting from why he hadn't called last night...
I stepped out..blinking as the light stung.There he was,on the empty corridor.I looked up,he looked down..and time stood still.He smiled...his eyes twinkled..he knew he would get away with it again..and he did.The clumsy auditorium faded out...and it all came tumbling down..the cascading desire..the whims of passion..the tender pain...And I suddenly knew,nomatter how many hurdles we had to cross to reach it,nomatter how rare it was,or how short..this moment was ours..this moment was bliss.And it is these moments that help us go on when we are miles apart.
'I have to go in once more to take a bow' he said.....I nodded.We went in...he was on stage again.This time, as the sound of applause vibrated against me..I knew he was looking straight at me.The people around were smiling again...just this time, it wasn't irritating.. it wasn't meaningless..
It was for us.
